William

Far more often than any of us like to admit, our actions are driven by an inner desire to impress other people.  This desire is often reflected in the brand name products we use, the bars and restaurants we frequent, the houses and cars we buy and the careers we choose.

But are name brand products, fancy bars, houses and cars really that impressive?  What about a person who holds an elite position in a career field they dislike?  Some of these things might capture our attention for a minute or two, but they won’t hold it for long.

Why?  Because tangible possessions are not as impressive as intangible qualities.

Consider the following questions:

• He drives a Porsche, but can he truly afford the car payment?
• He owns a big house, but is it a loving household?
• He makes a lot of money, but does he enjoy what he does for a living?

You get the idea.  Whenever the answer to questions like these is ‘no,’ the subject who initially appeared to be impressive no longer does.

Now take a moment and imagine a person who loves what he does for a living, smiles frequently and bleeds passion in every breath he takes.  Would he impress you?  Would it matter that he wasn’t a millionaire?

Here are 28 dignified ways to impress everyone around you.  If you practice these tips on a regular basis, they won’t just impress others, they’ll help you become a better person too.

We make a living by what we get.  We make a life by what we give.
– Winston Churchill

1. Be authentic.  Be true to yourself. – Judy Garland once said, “Always be a first rate version of yourself instead of a second rate version of somebody else.”  Live by this statement.  There is no such thing as living in someone else’s shoes.  The only shoes you can occupy are your own.  If you aren’t being yourself, you aren’t truly living – you’re merely existing.  And ask yourself this:  If you don’t like who you really are, why should I like you?
2. Care about people. – If you don’t genuinely care about people, they won’t care about you.  The more you help others, the more they will want to help you.  Love and kindness begets love and kindness.  And so on and so forth.
3. Make others feel good. – People will rarely remember what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel.
4. Be honest and take ownership of your actions. – Nobody likes a liar.  In the long-run, the truth always reveals itself anyway.  Either you own up to your actions or your actions will ultimately own you.
5. Smile often. – Everyone likes the sight of a genuine smile.  Think about how you feel when a complete stranger looks into your eyes and smiles.  Suddenly they don’t seem like a stranger anymore, do they?
6. Respect elders.  Respect minors.  Respect everyone. – There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected.  Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother.  People will notice your kindness.
7. Address people by their name. – People love the sight and sound of their own name.  So make sure you learn to remember names.  Use them courteously in both oral and written communication.
8. Say “Please” and “Thank you.” – These two simple phrases make demands sound like requests, and they inject a friendly tone into serious conversations.  Using them can mean the difference between sounding rude and sounding genuinely grateful.
9. Excel at what you do. – I am impressed by great guitarists, writers, bloggers, painters, motivational speakers, internet entrepreneurs, computer engineers, mothers, fathers, athletes, etc.  There is only one thing they all have in common: They excel at what they do.  There’s no point in doing something if you aren’t going to do it right.  Excel at your work and excel at your hobbies.  Develop a reputation for yourself, a reputation for consistent excellence.
10. Help others when you’re able. – In life, you get what you put in.  When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact in your own life.  Do something that’s greater than you – something that helps someone else to be happy or to suffer less.  Everyone values the gift of unexpected assistance and those who supply it.
11. Put a small personal touch on everything you do. – Think of it as branding your work.  If you’re funny, add a little humor into it.  If you’re an artist, decorate it with illustrations.  Whatever you do, customize it with a little personal touch of ‘you.’
12. Over-deliver on all of your promises. – Some people habitually make promises they are just barely able to fulfill.  They promise perfection and deliver mediocrity.  If you want to boost your personal value in the eyes of others, do the exact opposite.  Slightly under-sell your capabilities so that you’re always able to over-deliver.  It will seem to others like you’re habitually going above and beyond the call of duty.
13. Get organized. – How can you get anything accomplished if you aren’t organized?  You can’t.  Make a regular habit of organizing your living space and working space.  For some practical organizational guidance, I recommend David Allen’s Getting Things Done.
14. Do your research and ask clarifying questions. – Don’t be that clueless dude in the room who just nods like he knows what’s going on.  Prepare yourself by doing research ahead of time.  And if something still doesn’t make sense to you, ask questions.  The people involved will respect your desire to understand the material.
15. Share knowledge and information with others. – When you can, be a resource to those around you.  If you have access to essential information, don’t hoard it.  Share it openly.
16. Be positive and focus on what’s right. – Everything that happens in life is neither good nor bad.  It just depends on your perspective.  And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should.  Either you succeed or you learn something.  So stay positive, appreciate the pleasant outcomes, and learn from the rest.  Your positivity will rub off on everyone around you.
17. Listen intently to what others have to say. – Eyes focused, ears tuned, mobile phone off.  In a world that can’t move fast enough, someone who can find time to listen to others is always appreciated.
18. Be faithful to your significant other. – Tiger Woods was everyone’s hero until recently, wasn’t he?  Sustained fidelity in a long-term intimate relationship is not only impressive, it creates a healthy foundation for everything else you do.
19. Learn to appreciate and love Mother Nature. – Those who truly appreciate and love the natural world surrounding us typically exhibit the same high regard for all humanity.  It’s a positive way to live, and it’s something people notice.
20. Invest time, energy and money in yourself every day. – When you invest in yourself, you can never lose, and over time you will change the trajectory of your life.  You are simply the product of what you know.  The more time, energy and money you spend acquiring pertinent knowledge, the more control you have over your life and the more valuable you will be to everyone around you.  For fresh ideas on self improvement and lifestyle design, I recommend The 4-Hour Workweek.
21. Perform random acts of kindness on a regular basis. – Pay for a stranger’s coffee in line at Starbucks.  Buy the office receptionist flowers just to say, “Thank you.”  Help an elderly lady with her groceries.  There’s nothing more rewarding than putting smiles on the faces around you.
22. Compliment people who deserve it. – Go out of your way to personally acknowledge and complement the people who have gone out of their way to shine.  Everybody likes to hear that their efforts are appreciated.
23. Speak clearly and make eye contact. – Most people have a very low tolerance for dealing with people they can’t understand.  Mystery does not fuel strong relationships and impressiveness.  Also, there’s little doubt that eye contact is one of the most captivating forms of personal communication.  When executed properly, eye contact injects closeness into human interaction.
24. Make yourself available and approachable. – If people cannot get a hold of you, or have trouble approaching you, they will forget about you.  Your general availability and accessibility to others is extremely important to them.  Always maintain a positive, tolerant attitude and keep an open line of communication to those around you.
25. Be self-sufficient. – Freedom is the greatest gift.  Self-sufficiency is the greatest freedom.  And self-sufficiency is quite impressive too.   In the business world, it’s one of the primary dreams that inspire people to give-up their day jobs to pursue entrepreneurship.
26. Exploit the resources you do have access to. – The average person is usually astonished when they see a physically handicap person show intense signs of emotional happiness.  How could someone in such a restricted physical state be so happy?  The answer rests in how they use the resources they do have.  Stevie Wonder couldn’t see, so he exploited his sense of hearing into a passion for music, and he now has 25 Grammy Awards to prove it.
27. Be a part of something you believe in. – This could be anything.  Some people take an active role in their local city council, some find refuge in religious faith, some join social clubs supporting causes they believe in, and others find passion in their careers.  In each case the psychological outcome is the same.  They engage themselves in something they strongly believe in.  This engagement brings happiness and meaning into their lives.  It’s hard not to be impressed by someone who’s passionate about what they’re doing.
28. Stand up for your beliefs without flaunting them. – Yes, it is possible to stand up for your beliefs without foisting them down someone else’s throat.  Discuss your personal beliefs when someone asks about them, but don’t spawn offensive attacks of propaganda on unsuspecting victims.  Stand firm by your values and always keep an open mind to new information.

Of course, the coolest thing about this list is that everything you need to impress everyone around you is already contained within you.  So stop trying to impress people with the possessions you own and start inspiring them with who you are and how you live your life.

Photo by: Khalid

“No medicine cures what happiness cannot.”
?Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

It takes no more time to see the good side of life and act upon it than it does to see the bad side and trip over it.  If you don’t like something, change it.  If you can’t change it, change your thinking.  If you know you’re on the wrong track right now, take a deep breath.  It’s OK.  Sometimes you have to be wrong before you can be right.

The road of life is rarely smooth.  It’s easy to stumble and fall and hurt yourself.  But these bumps and bruises are a necessary part of your growth – you fall down, you learn something, and then you brush yourself off and move forward.

Today, let’s take a step forward.  Your bad habits – the ones that hurt your health and happiness – are 100% dependent on YOU for their survival.  Stop allowing these habits to control, limit, stifle, and discourage you from being your best self.  Today is YOURS to shape; own it!  Break free from the bad habits that are poisoning and diluting your potential.

1.  Stop resisting what is.

Life is a series of continuous natural events and changes.  Don’t resist them; doing so only creates unnecessary stress.  Let the reality of these events and changes take place.  Let them flow.  Or as Henry Wadsworth once said, “For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.”

To move forward in life you must first accept the reality of what it is.  This acceptance provides you with an important starting point from which you can move in any direction you choose.  To deny this reality or to fight against the past will merely waste your time and energy.  To wish that things were different, or to pretend that they are, gets you nowhere.

Acceptance is letting go and allowing things to be the way they truly are.  It doesn’t mean you don’t care about improving the realities of life; it’s just realizing that the only thing you really have control over is yourself in the present moment.  This simple understanding is the foundation of acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be peace and growth in your life.

Forgiveness is a big part of this process.  Forgiveness is the acceptance of the present moment, as it is, without attachment to any other time, place, or circumstance.  Almost all negativity is caused by a lack of forgiveness and denial of the present.  Unease, anxiety, guilt, tension, stress, worry, and resentment – all forms of unhealthy attachment – are caused by too much past and future, and not enough presence.

2.  Stop over-complicating things.

There are specific disciplines and ways of seeing the world that you have to understand before you can awaken to a simpler, happier life.  As Einstein once said, “Out of clutter, find simplicity; from discord, find harmony; in the middle of difficulty, lies opportunity.”

Sometimes we make life more complicated than it is.  We attach our happiness to achievement and then look for it in all the wrong ways and in all the wrong places.  Of course, you don’t have to live like this.  If you feel like you are, it’s time to simplify things.  It’s time to clear the air and get back to the basics.

Simplifying is not seeing how little you can get by with – that’s poverty – but how efficiently you can put first things first, and use your time accordingly to pursue the things that make a difference and mean the most to you.  Less really is more.  Instead of adding, improve your life by subtracting.  Get rid of unnecessary clutter, negative influences and toxic relationships.  There is a big difference between what you want and what you need, between what’s excessive and what’s essential.  (Angel and I discuss this process in the Simplicity chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

3.  Stop going through the motions without knowing where you’re going.

Life is kind of like climbing a ladder; you can climb the ladder as fast as you want, but it’s going to be a stressful waste of time if you get to the top and realize you’re leaning against the wrong wall.  You need to get this step in your life right to ensure that you are not wasting your energy on goals that you do not truly want to achieve.  Make sure your goals are truly YOURS, and in line with your values.  If you’re striving for someone else’s goals you are never going to be motivated or happy pursuing them.

So the key is to figure out a few things that you truly want, and make sure you truly understand why you want these things.  Then write your mission statement.  It’s not just about setting goals; it’s a big picture project that helps you figure out who you are, what you represent, and where you intend to go in life.  It’s your personal manifesto – a framework for determining your actions, priorities, and opportunities.

Establish goals that inspire you even if they seem slightly out of reach at the moment.  If you set goals that are too easy to achieve, you likely achieve far less than you are capable of.  As Les Brown so profoundly said, “Shoot for the moon, and if you miss you will still be standing among the stars.”

4.  Stop abandoning your downtime.

Sometimes you just need to rest, think and be thankful.  Go ahead and withdraw from the cares of the world that will not withdraw from you.

Every person needs some time away – a few calm moments every day to consciously separate the productive from the busy and the past from the present.  Commitments, obligations, family, employers and friends can exist during this time frame without you.  You deserve this time away in which no problems are faced and no solutions explored.

Remember that rest is part of growing and getting stronger.  Your body and mind need to shut down every now and then to recuperate.  It’s simple: slow down, breathe and get more sleep.  Results = work + rest.

Create healthy habits for downtime.  No screens within 30 minutes of bedtime.  Drink decaffeinated tea instead of coffee and soda.  Decompress by writing, reading or meditating.  Get at least seven hours of sleep to rejuvenate your mind and muscles.  Etc.  (Read The Power of Less.)

5.  Stop using non-prescribed drugs to numb your true self.

Drugs are a waste of time. They destroy your body and mind, your self-respect and everything good that goes along with your self-esteem.

People use drugs, legal and illegal, because the lives they choose to live are intolerably dull and unhappy.  They hate their surroundings, their work and routines and find no comfort in their leisure activities.  They are estranged from their true friends, families and passions, and yet they still find time to chat with a stranger at a bar about matters of insignificance.  It should tell you something, that many forms of drug use in our society are socially acceptable and socially promoted, whereas this same level of consumption among our moments of solitude are often lonely and shameful.  We need drugs, apparently, because we have lost touch with our true selves and each other.

Forget the drugs.  Focus on reality.  Feel your true senses and use them to fuel your journey.

6.  Stop eating garbage.

Health can make or break your happiness and potential for success.  You have to feed your body what it needs – REAL food.  You don’t have to be a vegan, go Paleo, or keep up with a crazy diet to be healthy.  Just eat high quality, nutritious foods and eliminate sugars and processed garbage.  Eat foods that come from the Earth, not out of some machine or chemistry set.

Also, practice mindful eating.  Don’t dine in front of the television.  No eating straight out of the bag either.  Make yourself a plate and measure out reasonable portions.  Try to savor or at least taste what you are eating.  Use smaller plates and drink more water to prevent overeating.

7.  Stop neglecting your body.

Move and you will be rewarded with energy, confidence and clear thinking.

Regardless of the size and shape of your body, it is the greatest tool you will ever own and the only place you ever truly live.  Without it, you wouldn’t be alive.  How you take care of it or fail to take care of it can make an enormous difference in the quality of your life.

Studies have shown that exercising for fifteen minutes, three days each week, can add three years to your life.  And it will also help you feel darn good about yourself, because a fit, healthy body is by far the most attractive fashion statement.  (Read The 4-Hour Body.)

8.  Stop slacking on doing the work.

There is no secret to success, health or happiness, except doing the work.  Don’t ask for permission or apologize for wanting to pursue a meaningful goal; just pursue it already.   Be confident in your abilities and clueless to the idea that failure is an option.  Learn as you go.  Fail forward.

The world needs your ideas, your art, and your work.  If you are holding back because you’re scared, you’re not just letting yourself down; you’re letting us all down.  Forget about critics and pessimists; share your intelligence and unique perspectives.  Once you do, and the hustle gets in your veins, failure will cease to be relevant.

Be willing to do the work because you believe in it, because you can, because it’s the right thing to do.  Persist despite uncertainties and second-guessing.  Do it consistently today, tomorrow and every day thereafter. Walk the talk.  Actions speak so much louder than words.  Stop talking about all of the great ideas you have and DO something EPIC.  Explanations and justifications are useless when actions and results speak for themselves.

The floor is yours…

How have you been hurting your health and happiness?  What’s one bad habit you need to stop?  Please leave a comment below.

Photo by: Zitona

Today I want to share nine inspiring quotes that changed my life.  I’ve listed them below along with supplementary lessons I’ve learned about each one over the years.  I hope they inspire you just as they have inspired me.

1.  Intuition

“At times you have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition.  What you’ll discover will be wonderful.  What you’ll discover is yourself.”  -Alan Alda

Your intuition is a gift.  It is your third eye – a way of seeing with your soul.  Pay attention to what it shows you.  More often than you realize, you have the answers you seek already inside you.  Your unconscious mind is the greatest source of your genius; you just have to pay attention.

Trusting your intuition is trusting your true self, and the more you trust your true self, the more control you have of making your goals and dreams come true.  Read 1,000 Little Things.

2.  Responsibility

“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves.  The process never ends until we die.  And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.”  -Eleanor Roosevelt

Don’t blame your parents, your friends, your teachers, your boss, or anyone else.  Blame yourself and then do something about it.  If something isn’t right and needs to change in your life, you’re the only one who can make that change.

The trajectory of your life is directly proportional to the strength of your choices.  To say you have no choice is to relieve yourself of all the responsibility and control you have over your life, which is another way of saying, “I don’t care.  I give up.”

3.  Expectation

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”  -Alexander Pope

As you get older you will find that life isn’t necessarily any easier or harder than you thought it was going to be; it’s just that the easy and the hard aren’t exactly the way you had anticipated, and don’t always occur when you expect them to.  This isn’t a bad thing; it makes life interesting.  With a positive attitude you will always be pleasantly surprised.

When you stop expecting things to be a certain way, you can appreciate them for what they are.  Ultimately you will realize that life’s greatest gifts are rarely wrapped the way you expected.  Read The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success.

4.  Small Steps

“Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.”  -Desmond Tutu

All the skills and understanding necessary for achievement will not be fully available to you when you first start a new endeavor.  But once you start, you will build the necessary skills and understanding as you need them.

Do not overwhelm yourself by thinking about the entire project.  Instead, focus on the one particular action step you can take right now.  Give your best to the task at hand.  Build what you can with what you have, and as you acquire additional resources, build upon what you have already built.  Read How to Get What You Want.

5.  Questions vs. Answers

“Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.”  -Voltaire

Life is filled with unanswered questions, but it is the courage to ask enough of the right ones that ultimately leads you to an understanding of yourself and your purpose.

You can spend your life wallowing in sorrow by asking negative questions like, “Why me?”  Or you can be grateful that you survived – that you’re still strong enough to breathe, walk and think for yourself – and then ask, “Where do I want to go next?”

6.  Focus

“Whenever you want to achieve something, keep your eyes open, concentrate and make sure you know exactly what it is you want.  No one can hit their target with their eyes closed.”  -Paulo Coelho

Raindrops falling gently over a wide, sprawling area will always yield to the obstructions present in the landscape.  Yet when these raindrops are concentrated into the mighty force of a river, they have the power to cut through nearly any obstruction imaginable.

In the same way, when your thoughts, feelings and actions are concentrated on a clear and consistent purpose, nothing can hold you back.  The roadblocks standing in your way are no match for your focused, unwavering purpose.  Give your life a decided advantage over all the obstacles you encounter by living each moment in the service of a meaningful purpose.

7.  Relationships

“Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.”  -J.K. Rowling

When it comes to relationships, be careful not to continuously doubt the positives and ignore the negatives.  You likely do this more often than you think.  For instance, you will say to your partner dozens of times:  Do you really love me?  Are you sure?  And ask similar questions that doubt the existence of their love.  But you will rarely ask:  Does this upset you?  Are you sure?  And similar questions that have the potential to resolve conflict before it starts.

This imbalance creates tension on both sides of the equation.  The positive things become more burdensome while the negatives fester in the background, unresolved.  Bottom line:  Have faith in the positives as you work on turning the negatives around.  Read The 5 Love Languages.

8.  Humility

“On the highest throne in the world, we still sit only on our own bottom.”  -Michel de Montaigne

If you become impressed with your own importance, you will cease to be impressive regardless of how successful you are.  Anyone who must announce that they are great rarely is.

True greatness and admiration is earned when you spend your time listening and learning rather than boasting and preening.  Let go of the need to be better than anyone else.  Humility is a virtue that will carry you far.  When you free yourself from the crushing demands of your ego, you free yourself to be your very best.

9.  Life Experience

“Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.”  -Rita Mae Brown

Experience is what you get when your plans don’t go as planned, and experience is the most valuable commodity you own – it builds your strength.

You have the power to turn your wounds and worries into wisdom; you just have to do something about them.  You have to accept what has happened and use what you’ve learned to step forward.  Everything you’ve experienced has given you the upper hand for dealing with everything you have yet to experience.  Realize this and set yourself free.

Photo by: Hartwig HKD

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery,
none but ourselves can free our minds!
?Bob Marley

Since we were born, our minds have been gradually programmed by our surroundings and by society at large.  As we grow, evolve and awaken to this reality, we learn that it is in our best interests to uninstall some of this programming and take back control of our minds.

What are we taking control back from, specifically?  Well, in part, the immense amount of cultural, societal and institutional brainwashing that has greatly influenced who we are and how we view ourselves and our abilities.

For example, despite what you may have heard… You don’t need to be a person who requires everyone to approve of them.  Your relationships don’t need to model modern day sitcoms.  Your daily energy doesn’t need to be directed by mindless drama, which is often stirred just to distract you from your deeper purpose and passions.

You can clear yourself of this corrupt thinking and reclaim your sanity and effectiveness.

But it’s hard, because distractions are everywhere, pulling at us and creating needless points of focus meant to disempower us.  They drive us into compulsive consumerism and egotism, rather than meaningful connections and emotional freedom.

So today, it’s time to flip the switch.  It’s time to free your mind and take back control of your life.  Here are eight smart ways to start doing just that:

1. Be selective about the media you consume. – Marketers all across the world are tracking your patterns, buying your personal information and studying your online and offline habits in order to funnel you into purchasing products from the companies that hire them.  If you are inclined to cave, and make impulsive, unhealthy purchases – like greasy fast food – they are aware of this, even to the exact percentage of likelihood that you will make this impulse buy.  They push ads upon you until your willpower gets weak.  This is just one form of mind control being practiced publicly every day.  It’s manipulative and it was created to be.  You have to take back control from these mega-corporations by making strong-willed, healthy decisions that support YOUR best interests.  Buy things that benefit you and those you love, not things that benefit big companies that don’t care about you.
2. Prioritize YOUR desires ahead of external and internal resistance. – You’re the one that’s got to die when it’s time for you to die, so let yourself live life the way you want to live it.  Seriously, life is too short to waste profuse amounts of time wondering what other people think about you.  In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn’t have the time to sit around and talk about you.  What should be important to you is not their opinions of you, but your opinion of yourself.  So don’t let others get in your way!  And don’t let your fears get in your way either; they’re not there to scare you.  They’re there to let you know that something is worth it.  If a particular pursuit makes you feel alive, stand strong and step forward, no matter what.  (Read The Happiness of Pursuit.)
3. Stop wishing for it and start working for it. – Do what you have to do today so you can do what you want to do tomorrow.  Through the grapevine you may have heard that what you should want is “an easy life.”  But that’s not true; what you really want is a life you are proud to have lived, and that takes work.  Because the only way that we can truly live, is if we grow.  The only way that we can grow is if we change.  The only way that we can change is if we learn.  The only way we can learn is if we are exposed.  And the only way that we can become exposed is if we are willing to put ourselves out there and work through life’s difficulties.  Do it!  It’s worth it!
4. Create healthy daily rituals. – The person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be every single day.  Because how you spend your days is how you spend your life.  In a nutshell, when it comes to working hard to achieve a substantial life goal of any kind – earning a degree, building a business, fostering a relationship, raising a family, becoming more mindful, or any other personal achievement that takes time and commitment – one thing you have to ask yourself is: “Am I willing to spend a little time every day like many people won’t, so I can spend the better part of my life like many people can’t?”  Think about it.  We ultimately become what we repeatedly work hard at.  And isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different?  That’s the power of daily rituals.  (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Goals and Success” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
5. Flip your perspective from negative to positive. – We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.  You’ve heard this before.  Don’t let negativity influence you.  When others are being negative, ignore them.  Keep in mind that how others see things is rarely the truth.  There are no facts, only interpretations, and it is our interpretations that make us or break us.  If you look at things the right way, you can see that the whole world is a beautiful garden.  It’s your job to tend to it, and to see and appreciate the roses.  Because in the end, the quality of your vision drives the quality of your living.  Train your mind to see the beauty in everything.  Positivity is a choice.  The happiness of your life depends on the effectiveness of your perspective.
6. Stop looking for and expecting “perfect.” – You are flawed, so is everyone you know, and that’s just as it should be.  Seriously, have no fear of perfection; you will never reach it.  And don’t expect that others will achieve it either.  We’re all imperfect beings filled with flaws and imperfections, therefore we shouldn’t wish to highlight the weaknesses of others at the expense of denying our own.  In the end, you will come to realize that perfection, especially in relationships, is only ever found in the beauty and honest appreciation of imperfection.  (Read The Gifts of Imperfection.)
7. Give yourself a break. – Yes, you have battles out in the world to fight, insecurities to overcome, loved ones to contend with and goals to achieve, but a break from it all is necessary.  It’s perfectly healthy to pause and let the world spin without you for a while.  If you don’t, you will burn yourself out.  So refill your bucket on a regular basis.  That means catching up on sleep, making time for laughter and fun, eating healthy enough to maintain solid energy levels, and otherwise making time for recovery from the chaos of your routine.
8. Loosen your grip on the past. – Sometimes we have to let go of what’s killing us, even if it’s killing us to let go.  Letting go means to come to the realization that some circumstances and relationships are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.  Cry.  Forgive.  Learn.  Move forward.  Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.  And remember, sometimes the hardest part isn’t the act of letting go but rather learning to start over.  This is normal.  This is a new day.  A new beginning.  And things will change for the better.

Afterthoughts

The Dalai Lama once said, “A new way of thinking has become the necessary condition for responsible living and acting.  If we maintain obsolete values and beliefs, a fragmented consciousness and self-centered spirit, we will continue to hold onto outdated goals and behaviors.”

Today, make it a point to defragment your consciousness and center your spirit on positive, productive thoughts and habits.  Tune out the drama around you and tune in to your own intuition.  Free your mind.  Smile and be grateful.  Life is too short to waste on negativity and those who create it.

Your turn…

What clutters your mind and holds you back?  What ideas, people and circumstances do you need to free yourself from in order to move forward?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

These 15 relationship truths may be a bit difficult to accept at times, but in the end, they will help you weed out the wrong relationships, make room for the right ones, and nurture the people who are most important to you.

1. Some relationships will be blessings, others will serve as lessons. – Either way, never regret knowing someone.  Everyone you encounter teaches you something important.  Some people will test you, some will use you, and some will teach you; but most importantly some will bring out the best in you.
2. When times get tough, some people will leave you. – When you are up in life, your friends get to know who you are.  When you are down in life, you get to know who your true friends are.  There will be lots of people around when times are easy, but take note of who remains in your life when times get tough, especially the people who sacrifice the resources they have in their life to help you improve yours when you need it most.  These people are your real friends.
3. Life is full of fake people. – Sometimes the person you’d take a bullet for ends up being the one behind the gun.  It’s so easy to believe someone when they TELL you exactly what you want to hear.  But when a person SHOWS you who they really are, believe them the first time.  Some people are only nice for their own convenience – the type of people who only call when they need something or come around when it’s beneficial to them.  Not everyone has your best interests at heart.  But sometimes you have to be tricked and mislead by the wrong lovers and friends once or twice in your life in order to find and appreciate your soul mate and real friends when they arrive.
4. People can easily be insincere with their words.  – When someone truly loves you, they don’t have to say a word.  You will be able to tell simply by the way they treat you over the long-term.  Remember, actions speak much louder than words.  A person can say sorry a thousand times, and say “I love you” as much as they want.  But if they’re not going to prove that the things they say are true, then they’re not worth listening to.  Because if they can’t show it, their words are not sincere.
5. The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve. – Don’t settle to just be someone’s downtime, spare time, part time, or sometime.  If they can’t be there for you all of the time, especially when you need them most, then they’re not worth your time.  Read Codependent No More.
6. Harsh words can hurt a person more than physical pain. – Taste your own words before you spit them out.  Words hurt and scar more than you think, so THINK before you speak.  And remember, what you say about others also says a whole lot about YOU.
7. A mistake is an accident.  Cheating and lying are not mistakes. – They are intentional choices.  Stop hiding behind the words “mistake” and “sorry” and stop putting up with those who do.
8. Excessive jealousy doesn’t tell someone how much you love them. – It tells them how much you dislike yourself.  And no amount of love, or promises, or proof from them will ever be enough to make you feel better.  For those broken pieces you carry, are pieces you must mend for yourself.  Happiness is an inside job.
9. When people get nasty with you, it’s usually best to walk away. – When someone treats you like dirt, don’t pay attention and don’t take it personally.  They’re saying nothing about you and a lot about themselves.  And no matter what they do or say, never drop down to their level and sling dirt back.  Just know you’re better than that and walk away.
10. People will treat you the way you let them treat you. – You can’t control them, but you can control what you tolerate.  Beautiful things happen when you distance yourself from negative people.  Doing so does not mean you hate them, it simply means you respect yourself.  Read Boundaries.
11. One of the most difficult tasks in life is removing someone from your heart. – But remember, no relationship is a waste of time.  The wrong ones teach you the lessons that prepare you for the right ones.
12. Resentment hurts you, not them. – Whisper a small prayer of gratitude for the people who have stuck by your side, and send a prayer of good will for those who didn’t.  For should these people hear your prayers, those who have been there will know how much you appreciate them, and those who left will know that you appreciate your own happiness enough to not let resentment destroy your capacity to live with a compassionate heart.
13. Silence and a half smile can hide a lot of pain from the world. – Pay close attention to those you care about.  Sometimes when a friend says, “I’m okay,” they need you to look them in the eyes, hug them tight, and reply, “I know you’re not.”
14. True love comes when manipulation stops. – True love comes when you care more about who the other person really is than about who you think they should become, when you dare to reveal yourself honestly, and when you dare to be open and vulnerable.  It takes two to create a sincere environment where this is possible.  If you haven’t found true love yet, don’t settle.  There is someone out there who will share true love with you, even if it’s not the person you were initially hoping for.  Read The 5 Love Languages.
15. Even the best relationships don’t last forever. – Nobody gets through life without losing someone they love, someone they need, or something they thought was meant to be.  People don’t live forever.  Appreciate what you have, who loves you and who cares for you.  You’ll never know how much they mean to you until the day they are no longer beside you.  And remember, just because something doesn’t last forever, doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth your while.

Photo by: Ed Yourdon